my thoughts on 23

if you haven't already seen this going around on facebook, there is a blog post that recently came out about 23 things to do instead of getting engaged before 23. have at it if you would like:

http://wanderonwards.com/2013/12/30/23-things-to-do-instead-of-getting-engaged-before-youre-23/

i just wanted to say a few words about the young getting married young. now in no way am i entertaining the notion that it's, get married or never do, or that if you aren't married by such this age, it's never happening, because that isn't true either, but this writer so clearly believed that marriage at a young age came because, "it's cold outside...you want to cuddle + talk about your feelings...so why not just cut to the chase + get married, right?"

right? well, kinda. i like cuddling + talking about my feelings, i'm sure if you asked a lot of people, they would agree too i think. but this article argues so much more than that.

want to know something funny? i had this plan. i wasn't going to get married until i was at least 23. that's right, this, 21 year old, year and a half married woman, wasn't going to get married until i was 23. i was going to travel, i was going to be a journalist in africa + i was going to live in the city + i was going to do crazy crazy things + then, when i hit that magical age of 23, i was going to start opening myself up to the possibility of getting married.

now, if you don't know, i'm a mormon. we, as members of our church, believe that when we get married, we will be getting seal for time + all eternity. that's a really long time if you think about it. a long time + a big choice to make when you choose your spouse. so when my jay, walked into my life at 19, what happened? what happened was this guy, who was handsome + funny, swept me off my feet + we moved fast. i mean we started dating + hadn't even kissed yet. we didn't kiss until he said i love you which was like 8 days after we were offical. then we got engaged a few months later (1 1/12 months to be exact) and by august of that year we were married. all in all our courting, engagement, all of it lasted 10 months and 25 days.

we have done things together that make my life amazing. incredible really. she says that she is responsible for her own happiness. good for her. seriously. happiness, personal happiness is key. that's how marriages last really. if you have personal happiness, you open yourself up to others making you more happy then you ever thought you could be. she wrote a list of 23 things that you should do before marriage, but i saw her list of 23 things that you can do with or without a partner.



1. get a passport. i actually did get a passport. all of those dreams as a single person actually didn't follow through until jay + i got married. we traveled together. he was terrified, i had unlimited cans of soda on that flight, but we went to a country that neither of us had traveled to + we had the best time ever. you can see it here. my point is that i didn't travel until i had my travel buddy with me.

2. find your thing. again, i actually found my thing while dating my husband. i realized i liked to capture moments. i started capturing moments + that turned into a change to my major + starting a business that i'm obsessed with. i just didn't realize i liked doing that so much, until i found the person who made me want to capture those moments.

3. make out with a stranger. well, i did that once + you know what happened? i became one of the crazy girls who called the guy all the time because i don't handle one time things very well. i really like stability + every time i kiss my jay, i know that i won't become that crazy girl because i know that if i call him...he is answering.

4. adopt a pet. i did that too when with jay, two puppies to be exact. but i felt like this step was silly...can't you adopt a pet with or without a spouse? pretty sure any pet shelter will be more than happy to place a pet with a loving home.

5. make a cake. i think, if you haven't made a cake before the age of 7, you've got some issues happening + being single or married will not fix that. cake is wonderful + is consumed by married + single people everyday. plus, i really like making birthday cakes for my husband...

6. start a band. not really my thing. actually not really a lot of people's thing. in fact, according to statistics, 90 % of the population has glossophobia, or stage fright. so maybe that step should be conquering a fear...like marriage ha ha just kidding.

7. get a tattoo, it's more permeant than marriage. false. i worked as a life guard + let me tell you, if you don't take care of a tattoo, like marriage, they don't last long...

8. explore a new religion. again, i wouldn't add this to my list of things to do, but this comes at any and every stage of people's lives. some people don't find their religion until they are 89.

9. start a small business. like i said in step 2, because of jay, i started a business. after doing my own wedding, jay pushed me to start filming others. he bought me my first camera, pushed me to make a website, pushed me towards my dreams. i'm honestly not sure how long it would've taken me to figure out, or even knew if wanted to do something like this without my husband.

10. cut your hair. i actually never did this before i got married because i heard that boys like long hair. at least my boy liked my long hair. i ended up cutting my hair though...regret that choice. if you have long hair + like it, don't feel pressured to cut that beautifulness off because someone told you to.

11. date two people at a time + see how long it takes to blow up in your face. yeahhh i don't know about you, but i don't think that's necessarily something to strive for. when i was single, i went on several dates in one weekend + felt so guilty about it, this isn't something i would personally ever do.

12. build something with your hands. that is a really good goal to have, but that can be easily accomplished with or without a husband. i mean, why else do we have pintrest if we aren't going to use it am i right?

13. accomplish a pintrest project. enough said.

14. join the peace corps. my husband served a two year mission without pay. i'll let him take the medal on that one.

15. disappoint your parents. check. haven't we all been 16...pretty sure that shouldn't determine your readiness to get married or not.

16. watch GIRLS over + over again. i've never even heard of that tv show, but my husband + i have watched a lot of tv shows together. we cuddle + talk about our feelings after. it's pretty fun.

17. eat a jar of nutella. i don't even like chocolate.

18. make strangers feel uncomfortable in public places. i did that a few times when i was like..13 with prank calls.

19. sign up for crossfit. that's great thinking! but healthy living should be done married or single + is done all the time.

20. hangout in front of a window naked. this was one of my favorites. i think that a huge misconception about getting married young is missing out on sex. let me tell you about sex. (sorry in advance mom) sex with my husband is amazing. i hang out naked with my husband all the time, but not in front of a window because we are usually doing something else. i believe sex is most special when with that one person who will love you forever. that's my opinion. i haven't limited myself by being with one person for the rest of my life. i have sex with someone who i know will be there when i wake up in the morning, return my calls + won't be having sex with anyone else. someone who treats me like a queen each + every time. my husband knows exactly what i like + don't like. you call that limited? not me. i would say that's the best kind of sex life any twenty year old woman could ever have.

21. write your feelings down on a blog. done + done. i like it better when i'm married, i've got amazing family + friends that help my blog be better than it ever was pre marriage.

22. be selfish. welp, that continues on throughout a human's entire life, married or not. in fact, not acting on my selfishness is something that i work on everyday. being selfish is human.

23. come with me to the Philippines for Chinese New Years.  i would love to. but i'll be bringing my bestest travel buddy with me.

jay + i aren't afraid to face the world alone.. we don't have to! i get the full support of someone who knows + believes in me. i'm with the guy who sees me at my worst + my best, the father of our children + the best man i know. i believe that marrying someone who you love is just as important as having a great career + a good education, but there is no reason we need to give up any one for another. i wish the world didn't have marriage so low on their priority list. i wish we all could find someone we can be silly with, love us, + one who will help us reach our dreams + goals.

you are welcome to get married at whatever age you like, or maybe you won't or don't want to get married at all. that is just fine, but please, don't assume that my life is any less amazing than yours because i got married before 23.

my thoughts on 23