today is an ultrasound day.
just typing that sentence is sending my heart into this pounding mess
+ is taking me way too long to think out that simple sentence.
but it's not a simple sentence.
we get to see our baby today.
we think we might find out the gender today + i'm getting those butterflies.
you know, like the ones you get before a roller coaster, or getting on stage,
OR FINDING OUT WHAT WE ARE HAVING.
yep.
those kinds of butterflies.
i've been thinking a lot about what kind of mother i'll be to either a little boy or girl.
if we had a girl,
i don't know how to do hair perfectly yet,
my outfits could use more help,
+ my grace+ gentleness of that kind of mother i thought i should be, is always lacking.
+ if we had boys,
i wanted to be beautiful + graceful,
that example that they would look for in their wives,
have patience and be always loving,
+ to be a good teacher of all things.
i constantly think more about our children as teenagers, adults, with children of their own.
as a person who has been impacted by a mother.
but i did a lot of thinking last night.
you know, like the ones you get before a roller coaster, or getting on stage,
OR FINDING OUT WHAT WE ARE HAVING.
yep.
those kinds of butterflies.
i've been thinking a lot about what kind of mother i'll be to either a little boy or girl.
if we had a girl,
i don't know how to do hair perfectly yet,
my outfits could use more help,
+ my grace
+ if we had boys,
i wanted to be beautiful + graceful,
that example that they would look for in their wives,
have patience and be always loving,
+ to be a good teacher of all things.
i constantly think more about our children as teenagers, adults, with children of their own.
as a person who has been impacted by a mother.
but i did a lot of thinking last night.
i am who this child wants me to be.
i may not be perfect at hair,
but i'm really good at giving head massages.
+ i may not dress the cutest,
but i know how to get my clothes dirty with hard work,
+ with lots of play time + adventures.
i may not be graceful, but i am full of love + have lots + lots of it to give.
+ i may not be the best of all best wives, but i love my husband fiercely
+ that's something i will always show my children through example.
+ i may not know everything,
but i do know a little about a lot of things.
i'm not perfect or ready, but it's happening
+ i honestly cannot think of another way i would want it.
+ last night as i cried over this new adventure, this new "freedom,"
a new kind of selfishness,
i knew i was as ready as i was going to be.
+ i finally thought about,
baby.
not teenager, not adult, not me growing old,
but me growing something new.
i may not be perfect at hair,
but i'm really good at giving head massages.
+ i may not dress the cutest,
but i know how to get my clothes dirty with hard work,
+ with lots of play time + adventures.
i may not be graceful, but i am full of love + have lots + lots of it to give.
+ i may not be the best of all best wives, but i love my husband fiercely
+ that's something i will always show my children through example.
+ i may not know everything,
but i do know a little about a lot of things.
i'm not perfect or ready, but it's happening
+ i honestly cannot think of another way i would want it.
+ last night as i cried over this new adventure, this new "freedom,"
a new kind of selfishness,
i knew i was as ready as i was going to be.
+ i finally thought about,
baby.
not teenager, not adult, not me growing old,
but me growing something new.
i want to remember this all,
the fears, the happiness, the excitement.
the fears, the happiness, the excitement.
for something as big as a avocado,
it's changed me already.
this baby is already the luckiest to get you as his mama! i love reading about this adventure of yours, camilla. never stop writing!
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