self-portrait

i thought about a lot what i would do for this month.

pintrest was an over flow of amazing idea's

that i was dying to try.

but then i walked into the play room in all it's loneliness

+ thought, it's perfect.

that window with all it's beautiful light,

it would do it.

february is a favorite month of mine.

it's right after january, which is basically the monday of the year.

it's a month filled with some of my favorite candy,

+ the message of the month is love.

love love love.

i've always been in love with the idea of love.

but love is so much more than love.

love is a movement, a memory, a thought, a life-time,

love is in all of our lives.

love is given + love is taken.

+ february is the perfect time to remember that.

i'm not always exactly sure who i am,
i sometimes lack major confident in what i do or what i make,
which is funny, because i consider myself a
outspoken, very passionate, kinda person.
but when my own voices in my head tell me i'm not good enough...
suddenly i'm not good enough.

whether you know this or not, in high school,
three out of the four years, i was in a cast, crutches, wheelchair, surgery, physical therapy,
you name it.
i realized health brings freedom, health is happiness that i didn't realize until i
couldn't walk or write or take a shower without something covering a cast,
that i would give anything to run until my lungs burned.
the size of my thighs or my chubby fingers wouldn't matter.
i would be healthy + alive + therefore, i would be perfect.

bodies are amazing. they allow you to brighten a room with a smile +
infect everyone with a laugh.
it gives you arms to wrap around your loved ones + squeeze them until they giggle.
every moment that i spend worrying about my "imperfections" is a moment wasted,
something precious that i will never get back.

old habits die hard, i can't say that i've stopped nitpicking myself,
no matter how well i think i'm doing.
while i wish i didn't have to be so mean to myself, i'm starting to think that maybe a little
*+ i mean little*
bit of tough love isn't always a bad thing. i'm turning it around +
making myself challenge + push myself to do better + better
because at the end of the day, i really do believe in myself.
i generally like myself + i bet that most women, in spite of all their insecurities,
feel the same way.

ps. don't you love how well timed this picture is...not.

self-portrait